NEWS
The Intergalactic
Space Chronicle
By M.B. Alexander
We were cheering for George Lucious, the sexy candidate that had formally been employed as a sex worker for office. But I guess at least Smith Jones is better than the alternative...
This week Vtube star and president “Boom” has finally lost the election. Truth be told, we are utterly relieved. After all, we like living (most days), and there is an undeniable unease in the world becoming an odd frat party where the richest boy in class can also decide to sell the school. No one likes their fate being decided over a game of beer pong.
We also heard rumors that Boom likes to lick "the" red buttons every night before he goes to sleep, just cause he can. Though we are the adventurous type we really don’t want to die from an atomic war started by a lick. Licks are intended for ice-cream, mostly.
“Boom” will surely signify an interesting slightly horrifying chapter in human history, but the good news is, that most of us are still alive to tell the tale.
What will Smith Jones bring to the table? Probably a lot of similar things to President John Johnson, president in 2044. But at least things will be the normal we all know and can comprehend. Unlike some of the insane drunk blurts we’ve endured the last couple of years. My favorites being: “No more cats for China!” and “Canada is ours! I put a flag there last night and ate a croissant”.
At least not every supper will have the potential to be the last supper or meal. That one day when he declared he would build a massive golf course over the Middle East, I thought, “Dammit, why did I eat fruit loops this morning.”
Anyway, here’s hoping for a very boring New Year’s Eve with no surprise bombs under the tree.
