NEWS
The Intergalactic
Space Chronicle
Alien Brawl Over Tea Wreaks Havoc
By Sam Lustig
New York has had its share of havoc in the last few centuries. From terrorist attacks to viruses to the comeback shoulder pads. But yesterday a chunk of the Empire State Building had been completely demolished in an alien brawl.
Now, this was no regular bar fight. When you’re an intergalactic alien tourist with the muscle power of twenty bulldogs, fighting against another alien with skin that would put elephants to shame, apparently you can cause much damage to the environment around you.
And what was so important that these fellows found themselves in such conflict? Well, there was an intoxicating cup cannabis chain involved and a disagreement about the location of their previous cannabis chai stop. That is indeed a conundrum for the ages.
Cannabis Chai has been a beloved drink worldwide for a few centuries now. What started as Masala Chai, a staple Indian drink, mostly consumed in the Far East and India. But the lovley drink soon took over the entire world with authentic chai stops around every Starbucks. Some even imported the monkeys that used to linger around the chai stand of India to make them feel extra real.
I remember my grandfather telling me about the first time he stepped out of the subway and received a well-made cup of chai from a monkey. But of course, nothing is ever enough as it is in the West, not even a friendly monkey tea companion. We tweak it up, add more of everything into it, and rebrand it!
Thus the highly intoxicated cannabis chai was born. Then unborn, cause it was too wasted to come out. But then born again. The cerebral drink became a global phenomenon. People opened their morning with the rejuvenating drink and added it to their bedtime ritual, most often with in the same cup. How very efficient and resourceful, also fewer dishes for the robot to rinse.
But true transformation for this epic concoction happened when several alien species discovered the drink about a decade ago while trying to invade the globe.
They stumbled upon the drink while first taking over a chai bar in the West Village. An unfortunate choice for an invasion starting point for them and perhaps a more fortunate one for us.
Since there was no resistance at all, not from the owners, and certainly not from, the guests, the aliens found that they had some extra time to kill, but opted for a magic chai break instead.
After the first sip, the shortest Intergalactic war and invasion attempt had come to a halt, and humanity was allowed to stay alive so long as they continued to make cannabis chai.
So, what can one say about such a brawl...perhaps they needed just one more cup of cannabis chai.
