CULTURE
The Intergalactic
Space Chronicle
Ostriches Blocking Times Square
By Goldy Fox
It all started when someone introduced eels to the lakes of Central Park over a hundred years ago. Someone then thought it would a good idea to bring crocodiles to eat the eels. Which led to a whole mess of trouble.
It was hard to find an animal to eat the crocodiles, which led to NYC restaurants coming up with some pretty weird crocodile dishes and a fashion era we’d all prefer to forget.
Don’t ask me how we got from that to ostriches in Times Square. But here we are, stuck in traffic because a big bird has stuck its head in a hot dog stand. This is what happens when people think ostrich rickshaws are what’s missing in New York.
Nothing is missing in New York! It is perfect! Stop adding weird animals and floating gardens! Just give me my coffee and cupcake at the eel-less park.
It was bad enough when they were torturing those poor horses with those awful urban carriages. They finally got rid of that and thought: “What about ostriches, I don’t think we’ve really tortured that animal enough.”
There’s nothing enchanted about arriving at the cinema via a big smelly bird that also spits!
