CULTURE
The Intergalactic
Space Chronicle
Inappropriate in 2171
By M.B. Alexander
Inappropriate is a new column presenting all things that are considered inappropriate in the year 2171.
It seems that with every year limitations of humanity became lesser and lesser. With every new invention, we are liberated anew, some to our own detriment. As some recipients of the recent fur implant trend may agree.
In an ever-expanding world of possibilities is there anything that’s taboo? Well, that’s what we’re here for, we want to shed light on the small things that are still considered inappropriate in the year 2171.
Today our article will touch upon the inappropriate use of a nano-tech invisible cloak in the year 2171.
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My friends and fellow readers it is without a doubt inappropriate to go to a public bathroom with an invisible cloak on. For one, the shared covenant between bathroom users and the bond of “Whatever happens in the bathroom stays in the bathroom” is most certainly breached. Second, one must own their own smells. It is inappropriate to incriminate another toilet user with your doings.
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Waiting lines and invisible cloaks also don’t go together well. If you are waiting in a line with an invisible cloak on, people will continuously bump into you. You could also cut this said line with your invisible cloak, which is even more inappropriate.
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Please, always wear a pair of underwear under your invisible cloak. You never know when you might cross a tech dampening zone that will render you butt naked. Also, there is the occasional gust of strong wind . . . As a park-goer who has had their share of butts and boobs appearing for a glimpse during a romantic picnic, I can tell you, it is quite inappropriate. Yay for underwear!
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Funerals. Either go or don’t go, but there’s nothing weirder than the sound of sobbing or laughter coming from nowhere in the midst of a somber funeral.
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Broadway musicals. Yes, I know it seems very limiting of me. But if you snag a seat in the front, someone will think it’s empty and for sure sit on you. Also, for the actors, the theater hall will seems empty which can be very discouraging.
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Wearing an invisible cloak while selling or buying Girl Scout cookies. No explanation needed. Just don’t do it.
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It is inappropriate to bring a huge group of cloakers to the same restaurant. The plates and food look like they’re dancing around only without the music. No one wants that version of the dining scene from Beauty and the Beast. Frankly, it makes no sense without the music and the talking candle-man.
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Hoverboarding with an invisible cloak. I know it’s so much fun but think of the birds.
That’s all for today. Remember invisible cloaks are a fun form tech for all when used appropriately.
