NEWS
The Intergalactic
Space Chronicle
Human Christmas Decorations - Be the Light
By M.B. Alexander
Have you ever walked around all the Christmas decorations and festive Christmas bots, and lamented, “Why do they get to have all the fun?” Yes, it is very hard when it seems like less sentient objects are having a better life than you. I often felt that way about my organic bio-cat, till I got a cat translator in pill form, which he swallowed, and which then traveled to his brain. Now he won’t shut up. I soon realized that he was a very whiny bugger that didn't appreciate the fish my molecular food printer was making him. He prefers everything fresh and organic.
Anyway, this season scientists have a way to turn all of us into Christmas decorations.
That's right: you can turn yourself into a Christmas light with a swig of a new drink they’re calling: “Human Christmas light.” This fantastical drink tastes like gingerbread and pine trees, and it will turn your skin into the bright neon color of your choice.
I know what you’re thinking, but aren't those fluorescent molecules cancerous? Don't worry about it, just take some anti-cancer pills and lighten up!
Human Christmas Lights are already trending and people are glowing everywhere. Could you imagine waiting in line for your pumpkin spice latte with a lovely pink glow, or caroling with other lightened-up people? If you drink enough eggnog maybe you’ll spin around like a colorful dreidel and cover two holidays.
We’re set for a very Merry Christmas. Now all we need is a very big tree for all of us to climb on.
