TECH
The Intergalactic
Space Chronicle
Catch It if You Can
By Louise Farfell
Due to the rise in vacationers flying in space shuttles and the recent complaints that it is hard to catch flying ice cream balls that float off their cones in zero gravity, NASA has taken on a new project.
For years we have become accustomed to tubes and packets of food on flights until recent space lines introduced "Hamburger on a Chain" and "Tethered ice cream cones". The Hamburger on a chain has worked out well. Tied to a disposable bracelet on the arm, the gourmand can grasp the bun (hamburger paddy packed tightly in) and finish eating the burger with no fear of it floating away.
We are sorry to say that the ice cream cones have not enjoyed the same success. Though a tie is wrapped around the cone and looped around the eater's forefinger and index finger, alas, the ball of ice cream is still escaping the cone, floating through the air. Various passengers have tried to catch these balls when passing by them only to squish them with their flight gloves creating a massive mess that could potentially "gum up the works".
So the ice cream cones will be discontinued on the menus, and in the meantime, NASA will see what it can do. Only an organization of this caliber can be entrusted with such a matter.
We hope the problem can be solved by next year as the dear owner of our tribune, Ornery Wappenstock, is taking the whole paper on a space flight next May. He says this will be for the purpose of improving ties among us and brainstorming about the future of the paper.
Until then . . . if you are vacationing on a space shuttle you will have to satisfy your own culinary dessert needs at "Ground 0"!
