NEWS
The Intergalactic
Space Chronicle
Android Holographic Movie Star has Public Meltdown
By M.B. Alexander
Don’t panic, the famous level ten humanoid android, Capa 0nine did not literally melt down. His circuits and optic fibers are all fully intact, structurally speaking. But he did shock holographic moviegoers when he tore all his clothes off and swung atop a chandelier, Sia style. His perfect bare metal bottom and anatomically correct private bits hung over the confused crowd, who weren’t sure whether this was part of the immersive experience.
But when the hologram theater hall switched to an intimate scene in a vintage grocery market it became quite apparent that the swinging robot was out of place.
These mover goers certainly got more than they paid for. But Capa 0nine’s public meltdown was anything but over. Once he broke free from the grubby hands of fans, he burst out of the theater into the street where he frolicked and jumped from one streetlamp to another on the Avenue of Stars.
He shouted, “I am machine! Hear me process!!” while pounding his chest with his fists, which unfortunately made quite a dent.
When authorities finally caught up with him they begged him to put down the Audi he had caught mid-flight. Finally, he was sedated and went to the hospital for psychological reprogramming.
His representative put forth the following message:
“Capa 0nine deeply regrets his momentary lapse of judgment. He seemed to have caught a bug when uploading some software for his recent movie release, such as: Memories of a Millennial Living through the 2020s in an NYC shoebox apartment.”
Perhaps all that is true, but we’ve also heard reports of the robotic Star micro-dosing on the memories of the third clone of William Shatner, which would definitely explain the swinging naked part of the breakdown and the crown of flowers he burrowed from a member of the audience.
