NEWS
The Intergalactic
Space Chronicle
Naughty Cabbage Patch Doll - A Toy Gone Wrong
By M.B. Alexander
CEO of “Toy-tally” the high-tech toy company that takes toys to an extreme, makes a public announcement stating that he will be stepping down from his position after their latest botched “Smart Cabbage Patch Dolls” series. It is unclear what Mr. Toto Roman was thinking when he approved the “Smart” dolls, which turned out to be a bit more than what parents bargained for.
Instead of the promised cuddly companions that were supposed to comfort and babysit their children, they got a snarky baby doll that has been teaching their children manipulation tactics to get more candy and virtual screen time.
The seemingly innocent dolls who have been programmed with level seven Ai tech, which provides heightened emotional intelligence, have also been spouting out random slurs in convenience stores and making fart sounds combined with stink tech at inappropriate locations such as at the Hyper-Growth Plant Opera.
Deemed as a truly bad influence, these dolls have earned the street name “Smart-Ass Dolls” and teenagers are now taking a surprising interest in them.
Mr. Roman explained that he had recently gone through a tech-incarnation and that he had experienced some mishaps in his memory transference that may have deeply affected his judgment.
Although, we can’t at good heart support a doll that encourages toddlers to heist banks, we sympathize with the hardships that one can sometimes encounter when transferring from an organic body to a mechanic form. And at least these dolls are bringing joy to some people who were not formally part of the doll carrying community, such as comedians and dogs.
